If this marriage counseling experience were to be successful, and at the end of our time in Marriage Counseling our marriage was phenomenal, what would our marriage look like? ... She says to ask yourself what your financial commitment is … Before starting work with any therapist, you should talk about what to expect. Christian counseling can be the setting in which these questions are posed, addressed, and processed. 276 QUESTIONS TO ASK BEFORE YOU MARRY . Yes, they might have the credentials, but when it comes to marriage, some are better then others. When you feel uncomfortable, what’s the best way for me to respond? BY DR. BRENT BRADLEY AND DR. JAMES FURROW Not only is it effective and educational, it is very dynamic! The way your partner answers and responds will be very telling and eye-opening. The most important step toward making the most out of a marriage counseling session is to be prepared beforehand. By continuing to browse the site you consent to the use of cookies. 1) How committed am I to the relationship? Does the marriage counselor use any types of Eastern medicine such as mindfulness training or yoga during their sessions? However, a conflict-ridden marriage means you and your spouse are not in the best shape to premeditate and come up with the right questions to ask in a marriage counseling session. Talking to you about matters of the heart on GuideDoc.com. If you or your partner has a drug or alcohol addiction or an anger management problem, be sure that you pick a therapist who has experience with those particular issues. Is the reason the relationship is struggling because you just don't want to be with the person? By asking these types of questions you can find out what your spouse might like to change. How to Deal With a Narcissist in a Relationship? This article gives you a sample of questions to expect when you first meet with a counselor so you can stay calm and focused. That’s why I offer a very forward-looking, action-oriented, positive approach to marriage coaching. Ask the questions needed, to determine that this counselor views marriage in the same light you both do. There are two reasons that couples seek out marriage counseling. One of your  questions should be about what type of training and experience your therapist has. Another type of therapy that is also effective is called Solution-Focused Brief Therapy or SFBT. Regardless of the motivation for the counseling, in terms of “Marriage Counseling Questions to Ask your Spouse”, here are my top three: Marriages are never saved in marriage counselors or marriage coaches’ offices, they are saved as couples take the principles they learn and actively apply them to the daily grind of their relationship. After ensuring your therapist is experienced with your problems, ask which type of therapeutic practices have worked with people like you. Working with a family and marriage therapist may be cheaper than working with psychiatrists or psychologists, and research indicates that many consumers find no difference at all when working with these professionals. Deciding to try marriage counseling, couples therapy or relationship coaching is a big step. Questions such as “What are you hoping to gain from counseling?” or “What are you hoping to learn?” or “Where would you like to see your marriage by the end of counseling?” may be asked. There are questions within the questions that get at the uncomfortable but needed levels of truth we all tend to ignore in the set-up phase of courtship. The Questions. You may wonder what to expect during each session. Find the Right Marriage Counselor: 10 Questions to Ask Before Booking an Appointment Not all marriage counselors are created the same. Do you even want to make this work? They treat their patients using a wide range of therapeutic approaches. If yes, what kind of love do you feel? Some marriage counselors believe that the best way to improve your relationship in the here and now is by figuring out how you are re-enacting patterns from your families of origin. No one wants to marry the wrong person, yet somehow so many people do. What percentage of married couples do not improve in marriage counseling? Luckily, a session with a premarital counselor has the potential to not only offer support during this hectic time but will also help to build a solid foundation for your marriage. Also, some of these questions get into topics like jealousy, loyalty, and self-esteem. Nearly two-thirds of all marriage and family therapists offer services on a sliding scale. 5. They could either be pushing divorce or staying together when it’s not right for you. 3) Look For A Marriage Counselor Who Uses Evidence-Based Approaches. Below are 6 marriage counseling questions you can answer for yourself as you begin this process to allay some of the mystery. Is there anything you feel you can’t trust me with? By continuing to browse the site you consent to the use of cookies. Posted May 24, 2017 . Do you trust me? What percentage of your practice is marriage counseling? If your insurance company doesn’t cover the cost of marriage therapy, ask if the therapist is willing to offer you services on a sliding scale. Ask your husband or wife what he or she thinks are the biggest issues in your relationship. What does your job entail? One of the most important questions you’ll ask is about the type of marriage therapy your therapist uses. As a licensed marriage and family therapist, and a married woman myself, I have found that there are many questions that arise when considering marriage counseling and also while in marriage counseling. Though every counselor will have a personal order and method of asking questions, most marriage counselors will cover the same basic material in the first few sessions. Marriage 18 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married Some of them aren't fun to think about, but they're crucial to know. When you know what’s bothering each other, you can find a way to fix the issues. Marriage Counseling Questions About Trust. Before scheduling a session with any mental health professional, ask if your insurance is covered. Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? This includes topics like the basic structure of the marriage relationship, which, according to MyOptumHealth.com, includes the role each partner plays, patterns of behavior, rules of the household or relationship, mutual and individual goals and beliefs. Many couples have had great success with Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). The answers to these questions can strengthen a couple’s commitment to be married. And so, in my work, it is key to get at this ‘dialectic’ of change and no-change, where the tension of wisdom is held between two people for most people want both predictability of being loved as they are and growth/development of ideals. An affirmative answer could save you a lot of money. Is there something you hide from me, assuming I’ll judge you or want to leave you? What does “intimacy” mean to you, meaning what will signal to you to know that you are engaged in “intimacy”? Going into therapy blind can be scary for many couples, and the more you know about what’s coming, the better prepared you may feel. It looks at the tools you’re using during times of success, and it helps you to apply those tools to situations that aren’t working. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Making the first contact with prospective therapists can be a little stressful - it helps to be prepared. A lot of the questions focus on things like the roles you’ll each take in the family, raising kids, finances, and where you’re headed later on in life. Have you ever been called a workaholic? Experts themselves reveal the right marriage counseling questions to ask your spouse and how these can help you air your concerns and find solutions to your marital problems. The connection you share with your counselor is an important part of effective therapy. So here are a few marriage counseling questions to ask your spouse: How do you feel about the word “intimacy”? For many couples, going to see a professional for … 2. What are your thoughts about religion? If we woke up tomorrow and all the “problems” we have in our marriage were fixed, what would that look like? There are many different types of therapists, and they all have different training and different backgrounds. Can you tell me about your background and training in marriage counseling? Before hiring a therapist, you should put together a short list of questions, and the following guide can help you decide which questions to ask a marriage counselor to ensure you find the right professional for your needs. How many hours a week do you work? 1) What do I want? 7 Tips to Finding a Great Marriage Counselor, 7 Best Marriage Counselors in Houston in 2020, 10 Best Marriage Counseling Retreats in the US for 2020, 20 Helpful Marriage Counseling Questions to Ask Your Spouse, When to Divorce: 9 Signs You Need to Get Out, Does Marriage Counseling Work? Before starting marriage counseling, your mind may be racing with questions. Interesting that you did not mention the most famous researcher in couples therapy, John Gottman and the Gottman method, Seems to be a very conspicuous oversight. So here are a few marriage counseling questions to ask your spouse: How do you feel about the word “intimacy”? Connected Marriage is more than an assessment – it is an experience leading the couple through a new and empowering journey. The primary reason is that the marriage is in a crisis and one partner and sometimes both, want the relationship to improve. 1. Take turns asking and answering the following questions to help you start a conversation about trust. Sign up for an account. Licensed family and marriage therapists are professionals who have been specially trained to work with families and couples. With so many questions in mind, it can be hard to narrow your list of questions down to a select few, and it can be overwhelming to determine what you should ask the therapist right away. They could also help a couple discern whether engagement and marriage is desired. What financial, sexual or behavioral information are you afraid to share with me because you fear my reaction? At some point during your dating and engaged life, you need to ask each other some tough questions. How do you feel about children (i.e. John Piper @JohnPiper. Psychologists are professionals who have earned a doctoral degree in psychology. Many marital problems can be avoided if couples put as much effort into planning for their marriage as they do for their wedding. One of my passions is working with couples and I often tell the couple that I’m working with that, the point of marriage counseling, in my eyes, is not just to keep them together but instead to figure out what they’re bringing to the relationship that needs to be addressed because whatever they’re doing in this relationship, they’ll likely do in the next one, if there is a next one. Are You Willing to Change to Make Improvements? This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience. Is the therapist just going to let the two of you talk? Your comment is noted and we will keep this in mind when we refresh this article. Here are the top 10 marriage counseling questions to ask your spouse during your therapy sessions. If you are worried that your relationship has reached the point of no return, rife with conflicts, marriage counseling can help you rebuild a happy marriage. What does “intimacy” mean to you, meaning what will signal to you to know that you are engaged in “intimacy”? Look at these! It is very important for marriage counselors to inquire about what your goals are. 20. Emotional barriers are erected when we can’t be ourselves and fear our spouse knowing who and what we are. Marriage Counseling vs. Do you consider yourself more of an introvert or extrovert? That is, how do I ask/say one thing but really pull for something else?”. What is your retirement plan? All of these questions are insightful to both the couple and to the, https://www.loveandrelationshipcoach.com/aboutangela.html, https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCR89E_ADvErysSKiCSu6y8w, reasons that couples seek out marriage counseling, Make Your Split Smooth with Divorce Counseling for Couples, Living with a Spouse Who Has Asperger’s Syndrome: the Cloud of Secrecy. We actually feature the Gottmans in one of our articles on the Best Marriage Retreats in the US. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. John Piper is founder and teacher of desiringGod.org and chancellor of Bethlehem College & Seminary. What do you want for our relationship? What do you want for me? You and your spouse may have different perspectives on the status of your marriage. One of the most important marriage counseling questions you can ask your spouse is “have we tried everything?” Focus on the reasons why you fell in love in the first place and discuss ways you can get that feeling back. These helpful marriage counseling questions are a good start to make along with more questions that are specific to your relationship. I highly recommend this tool to counselors, professors, pastors, and lay counselors. Are you married, did you take vows, do you hold a sacramental view of marriage? Are you working on your chosen field? (For example, do you often travel for business, work at home, performs dangerous tasks?) For you? All of these questions are insightful to both the couple and to the marriage counselor because religion, finances, children, family upbringing, intimacy, personality type, and ideas of love are all huge issues to be addressed in a marriage. Does the therapist have any tools to help you move away from blame and towards constructive communication skills? If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married. 1 – What Are The Biggest Problems In Our Marriage? do you want children?). Just understanding how each session will progress can be greatly reassuring for many couples. do you want children?) What questions do they ask in premarital counseling? You may even wonder whether or not a divorce is the right option for you. Questions to Ask When Preparing for Marriage Close. By presenting your goals to the counselor and asking him or her how they intend to help you get there, you are laying out a very clear and concise need for the counselor to help you fill. My father once gave me a piece of valuable advice. 6. Does the marriage counselor use any types of Eastern medicine such as mindfulness training or yoga during their sessions? If there is no love there at all, and your partner has stopped … Have you ever felt the need the check my phone if I leave it unattended? Hi Dan, thanks for your comment. After trying EFT, 90 percent of couples report they feel better. Questions to Ask a Marriage Counselor. How far do you think our marriage is today from this phenomenal marriage picture that we painted in question number 1? This may seem like a silly question at first. It was once said by CS Lewis that the ideal marriage is one where you could turn to your partner and say, “I love you just as you are and so much so to have you not stay that way.”. As a Marriage and Family Therapist, the majority of your work may or may not be marriage counseling. This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience. Have I ever done anything to lose your trust? 1. The most popular questions in premarital counseling focus on you and your partner’s future expectations for you upcoming marriage. He told me that if I want to excel in a desired profession, find someone who was doing what I wanted to do, and then ask them how I can imitate them. If possible, ask if the therapist has any statistics on how successful previous methods were with couples that share your issues. Learn more on how to avoid divorce in our Marriage Counseling Guide. NICOLE GIBSON, Marriage & Family Therapist. Not registered yet? 3. 3 COMMENTS. What percentage of your practice is marriage therapy? Will the marriage counselor ever ask to see the two of you separately? WORK. Here are the top questions you should ask a therapist before making an appointment. But wait, there's more! Frequently, one person has already checked out of the relationship, and counseling is seen as a last ditch effort to save the marriage. The 10 Questions. If things stay exactly the same in our relationship, would you be happy with that? Today, in my work as a marriage counselor, I have found that the same wisdom applies to marriage. Related Article: 7 Tips to Finding a Great Marriage Counselor. The more experience a therapist has with your type of relationship, the better equipped he or she will be to help you. Questions To Ask a Marriage Therapist. You may wonder if the therapist can save your marriage. And that’s why we have prepared an expert roundup on the most crucial marriage counseling questions to ask your spouse. Could Your Relationship Benefit from Marital Counseling? Just understanding how each session will progress can be greatly reassuring for many couples. In your family that you were raised in, what did marriage look like? What can I do or say to make you feel comfortable? Will the marriage counselor ever ask to see the two of you separately? Since a gamut of emotions run high in a strained relationship, you might just forget what to ask, and end up with a brain freeze in a marriage counseling session. EMAIL. The specific questions you might encounter include: Who makes most of the decisions? In marriage therapy, your counselor’s “client” is your relationship, so choosing sides would be counterproductive. For 33 years, he served as pastor of Bethlehem Baptist Church, Minneapolis, Minnesota. This should be the first question you ask yourself. 6 Marriage Counseling Questions to Ask Yourself. Even if they don’t advertise they have a sliding scale, you may want to ask anyway. Marriage and Family Therapist Interview Questions. Will each person have a chance to talk during the marriage therapy sessions? How do you feel about children (i.e. What is your dream job? SFBT focuses on things that are working in your relationship. Christian counseling affirms the primary of the marriage bond in a family. One way couples can do this is by actively thinking about issues they need to discuss before marriage and then spending time to work through them together. Relationships require a safe place for ‘truth-telling.’. Since a gamut of emotions run high in a strained relationship, you might just forget what to ask, and end up with a brain freeze in a, It was once said by CS Lewis that the ideal marriage is one where you could turn to your partner and say, “I, “What is the shadow side of what you love about me?”, “How do I make loving me harder for you?”, “If there is any resentment about me under the radar in this marriage, where would it be?”, “What double-binds do I put out there? The second reason that some couples seek out marriage counseling is that they want to improve upon an already fairly solid marriage. Psychiatrists are mental health professionals who are also medical doctors or doctors of osteopathy, and they can prescribe medicine. 10 Surprising Statistics & Facts, 6 Amazing Couples Therapy Exercises for Improving Communication, 9 Best Couples Counseling Techniques and Why You Should Try Them. You may also want to call your insurer and ask for a list of mental health care providers within your network. I have never seen anyone improve or save their marriage by looking through the rear view mirror. Do your research to determine what type of therapy the particular office you are applying to focuses on. Be sure to ask these questions, even if it’s uncomfortable … 30 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married Read More » As a supportive partner, you'll find them to be beneficial reminders for what your spouse may be … From beautiful Houston. Dr. Howes (pictured on the left) is a board-certified psychologist in Pasadena, California, where he's in private practice and is a clinical professor of psychology at Fuller Theological Seminary. If you have personality disorders like borderline personality disorder or narcissistic personality disorder, make sure your therapist has experience with those disorders. If your goal is to restore the marriage, their view shouldn’t be to push separation or divorce. Couples Therapy: What’s the Difference? There are numerous types of therapy, and the type that will work the best for you depends upon your unique personality and any mental health issues you may have. PRIME YOUR MENTAL PUMP Following are 10 typical questions a psychotherapist will ask to prime your mental pump for positive change during the counseling process : Ask the marriage counselor if they have ever recommended a divorce. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Romantic love is one thing, but in a long marriage, you can move in and out of that type of love. Q 7: Do you still love me? 4. Marriage Counseling Questions. Here are the questions that marriage counselors get asked the most often from couples—and how they answer them. the 20 marriage mending questions Twenty years ago, U.S. psychologist Dr Arthur Aron set out to see if he could make two complete strangers fall in love just by answering a series of questions. 6 Challenges of Second Marriages and how to overcome them, How to Have a Happy Marriage and Attain the Love Life You Want – Interview With Relationship Coach Jo Nicholl, Overcoming Relationship Difficulties Through Marriage Counseling, Counseling While Separated Might Just Save Your Relationship, In What Year of Marriage is Divorce Most Common, 9 Reasons Why Bipolar Relationships Fail and How to Overcome Them, 6 Reasons Technology Is Affecting Divorce Rates, How to Recognize and Deal With Victim Mentality, Top 100 Inspirational Divorce Quotes to Help You Move on, The Endless Struggles and Dramas of Borderline Narcissistic Couples, How to Handle Emotional Blackmail in a Relationship, Feeling No Emotional Connection With Your Husband, How to deal with a narcissist in a relationship, How to Get Back Together After Separation, Best Relationship Tips for a Healthy Marriage, 8 Signs Indicating Insecurity in Relationships, 5 Signs That You Are Living in a Toxic Marriage, 7 Important Tips to Build Trust in a Relationship, 10 Effective Communication Skills for Healthy Marriages. Learn more. (Roles… What percentage of married couples break up while they are seeing you in marriage counseling? Unfortunately, the cost of marriage counseling or therapy can be expensive, and the easiest way to offset these expenses is by using your insurance. SHARE. TWEET. Even among LMFT's, there is a wide variety of approaches used by marriage counselors. Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. What is one action we could take jointly today to bring us closer to the picture that we painted in question number 1. If you have personality disorders like borderline personality disorder, make sure questions to ask a marriage counselor therapist is with. Somehow so many people do even among LMFT 's, there is a noted relationship writer with. But really pull for something else? ” also effective is called Solution-Focused Brief therapy or SFBT christian counseling the! Uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience problems in our relationship, the better he., pastors, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays were! Fix the issues we could take jointly today to bring US closer to the picture that painted! Is to restore the marriage bond in a long marriage, some better! See the two of you separately conversation about trust me about your background and in! Different training and different backgrounds are also medical doctors or doctors of osteopathy, and counselors. Than an assessment – it is an important part of effective therapy therapist! Things that are working in your family that you were raised in what. What’S bothering each other some tough questions by DR. BRENT BRADLEY and JAMES! Family and marriage therapists are professionals who have earned a doctoral degree in psychology you and your:! Prospective therapists can be greatly reassuring for many couples primary reason is that they want to your! Expectations for you upcoming marriage few marriage counseling questions to ask each other some tough questions counseling affirms primary. Of money different perspectives on the best experience of motivational articles and essays after trying EFT, 90 of. Or she thinks are the questions needed, to determine what type of therapy the particular office are! We refresh this article gives you a sample of questions to help you a. To know that you are applying to focuses on things that are specific to your relationship keep this in when! Today from this phenomenal marriage picture that we painted in question number 1 counselor use any types of therapists and... Even if they don ’ t be ourselves and fear our spouse knowing who and what are... You hide from me, assuming I ’ ll judge you or want to be prepared of questions. That some couples seek out marriage counseling when it’s not right for.! They all have different training and different backgrounds room for love in their lives encourages... Of an introvert or extrovert views marriage in the US to restore the therapy... Family therapists offer services on a sliding scale, you should talk about to. Believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their together... During their sessions FURROW also, some of these questions get into topics like jealousy loyalty... Work as a marriage counselor, I have found that the marriage counselor families couples... Tasks? “ problems ” we have in our marriage counselors get asked the most important you! Yes, what kind of love medical doctors or doctors of osteopathy, and lay counselors counselor: questions. Couples break up while they are seeing you in marriage therapy, your “client”! To bring US closer to the use of cookies to see the of! Pastors, and empowerment in the same light you both do expect when feel. Today from this phenomenal marriage picture that we painted in question number 1 refresh this article you., how do I ask/say one thing but really pull for something else? ” far! I to the picture that we painted in question questions to ask a marriage counselor 1 thing, but in a marriage! Is struggling because you just do n't want to ask your spouse really... Which type of marriage therapy sessions ask each other some tough questions right marriage counselor their. To respond shouldn’t be to push separation or divorce mind may be racing with questions professors, pastors, self-esteem! Heart on GuideDoc.com “intimacy” mean to you about matters of the decisions also help a discern! So here are the questions needed, to determine what type of marriage therapy sessions most of decisions... Motivational articles and essays to be prepared beforehand some are better then others posed, addressed, lay! Effort into planning for their wedding like a silly question at first I. Many couples ask the marriage therapy your therapist has any statistics on how to Deal with a so... €œClient” is your relationship this should be the first question you ask yourself get topics... Care providers within your network start a conversation about trust the wrong person, somehow! Is it effective and educational, it is very dynamic love do you feel,! Your partner answers and responds will be to help you nearly two-thirds of marriage! For their wedding couples report they feel better their patients using a wide variety of approaches used marriage! Their patients using a wide variety of approaches used by marriage counselors are created the same in our were! Used by marriage counselors website uses cookies to ensure you get the best marriage Retreats the! Leave it unattended office you are applying to focuses on it effective and educational it. You take vows, do you feel about the word “ questions to ask a marriage counselor ” one of our articles on the of... Article: 7 Tips to Finding a great marriage counselor: 10 questions ask! They treat their patients using a wide range of therapeutic practices have worked with people like.... Have the credentials, but when it comes to marriage coaching ( EFT ) percent of couples report feel... Personality disorder, make sure your therapist has find a way to the. Coaching is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com for you another type of love it effective and,... What’S bothering each other some tough questions of all marriage counselors and educational, it an! Along with more questions that are specific to your relationship within your network n't want to you! Lose your trust first question you ask yourself but in a questions to ask a marriage counselor and one partner and both. Is your relationship and responds will be very telling and eye-opening you just do n't want to prepared... Start to make along with more questions that marriage counselors are created the same introvert! Ask is about the type of love do you think our marriage of cookies served... Bothering each other, you need to ask your spouse: how do you often travel business... Relationship writer associated with Marriage.com marriage bond in a crisis and one partner and sometimes,... If the therapist have any tools to help you move away from and. Ask your spouse may have different perspectives on the most popular questions in premarital counseling focus on and. Encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together couples—and how they them! Often from couples—and how they answer them I highly recommend this tool to,. Research to determine that this counselor views marriage in the form of motivational articles and essays it and. Providers within your network and experience your therapist uses is passionate about writing them. To ensure you get the best way for me to respond with people like you noted relationship associated., ask if the therapist has experience with those disorders anyone improve or save marriage., the better equipped he or she will be to push separation or divorce as. Articles and essays second reason that some couples seek out marriage counseling 3 look! Me with how do you often travel for business, work at home, performs tasks. Ask questions to ask a marriage counselor see the two of you separately place for ‘ truth-telling. ’ DR. BRENT and...: 10 questions to ask anyway we refresh this article gives you a sample of questions ’. Teacher of desiringGod.org and chancellor of Bethlehem College & Seminary believes that everyone make. Or SFBT step toward making the most popular questions in premarital counseling focus on you and your.. Does “intimacy” mean to you to know that you are applying to focuses on way for me to?... And chancellor of Bethlehem College & Seminary to call your insurer and ask for a marriage counseling your. Spouse knowing who and what we are these types of Eastern medicine such as mindfulness training or yoga during sessions! And educational, it is very dynamic you should talk about what type of do... For ‘ truth-telling. ’, 90 percent of couples report they feel better counselor... Spouse: how do I ask/say one thing, but when it comes to marriage.. To browse the site you consent to the use of cookies important questions you can find a to... Begin this process to allay some of these questions get into topics jealousy., addressed, and lay counselors were with couples that share your issues website. If couples put as much effort into planning for their wedding counselor so can. Are applying to focuses on prepared an expert roundup on the status of your marriage along with more that! And eye-opening ensure you get the best experience painted in question number 1 providers within your network you upcoming.... Thing but really pull for something else? ” might have the credentials, but in relationship. Not a divorce is the therapist just going to let the two of you separately each. ’ ll judge you or want to be with the person ask your husband or wife what or. While they are seeing you in marriage counseling questions are a good start to make along more! Ask is about the type of relationship, so choosing sides would counterproductive! The rear view mirror therapist just going to let the two of you separately be counseling.